To My Mom 1920 - 2012

My mother suffered a stroke on April 1, 2012. Before that day she had been independent, albeit sometimes using a cane. She was caretaker to my dad. The stroke was in the Pons area of her brain stem. It took away the use of her left hand and left leg and led to a feeding tube inserted in her side. So she loss her ability to walk and eat, and to do much handling of things. The speech was unaffected.

Her mind was clear and focused until the end. During the last few days when she was actively dying this brought even the experiences Hospice nurses to tears. One told me this was the darkest thing because my mother was aware and responsive to everything going on and most people by that stage were not.

My father sat beside her bed holding her hand those last few days. On Sunday morning he had a build up of fluid in his lungs and they took him to the hospital.

I sat with her Sunday afternoon and held her hand. I told her not to worry about anything. All was taken care of and under control. I told her I loved her and bid her goodnight.

She died at approximately 10:45 Sunday evening September 23, 2012.

Dad holding mom's hand the day before the end.

I want to tell a story and a last lesson my mother taught me about what we should value.

My mother was born in 1920 and her growing up was not in a home her parents owned. There was a prominent family named Thomas, one of the founding families of the Quaker Track in Chester County, Pennsylvania called Whiteland. My mother’s family was tenants on George Thomas III’s estate “Whitford”, in an old white house back of a pond. The “big house” she called it. There was a Blacksmith Shop down the lane from them. That smithy was still working when I was a boy.

She was nine when the Great Depression began and it lasted until she was a grown woman. The family had some hard times. My mother said one of her fondest memories of childhood was every Christmas Mr. Thomas would come to the house and give her a new pair of gloves.

Her dad pulled weeds for a dollar a day. The average America salary was $26 a week, he was making five or six. Her mother became a maid for the wealthier in West Chester and at some point teenage mom labored in the dark of a Mushroom plant, while dreaming of being a motion picture star.

She even entered a talent search for an unknown to play Scarlett O’Hara in “Gone With the Wind”, but she didn’t win. Somebody named Vivian Leigh got the part. The movie premiered in 1938 and in that year a friend asked mom to go on a moonlight cruise with her, her boyfriend and a friend of his. That’s where she met her Rhett Butler back 74 years ago. He was this tall, wavy haired fellow known as Wild Bill.

He must have thought this little 5 foot one, 98-pound redhead was something, because he’d walk the 15 miles from Modena to Whitford to see her, sometimes sleeping on her porch before walking home again.

Just before they married in 1940 he lost his job and after the wedding they were so poor she went to her home to live and he to his. And so they lived separated the first month of their marriage and except for World War II that was the last time Milly and Willie weren’t together until she left him last Sunday night.

On Monday, when a nice lady from the Hospice went with my daughter and I to the hospital and told dad mom was gone, he quoted Scripture to us. There was once a day when no one would have believed that Wild Bill would ever quote Scripture. It was right after he said, “She was the love of my life and I will miss her.” It was part of a verse from Hebrews. He said, “Well, it says don't it, it’s appointed to every man to die? And now she’s better.”

My daughter, Laurel, and I brought her things home from Pembrooke (the nursing home) that same day, five cartons. Five Cartons was all that was left of what she gathered in her 92 years, mostly clothes, which we donated to Goodwill. All her worldly goods are gone. And it made me think of Matthew 6: 19-20, and made vivid the truth of that Scripture. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth… store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.”

But she did have some valuable treasures here as well. She had a group of friends, who loved enough to care for her and dad these last years and see them thought when they couldn’t always do for themselves. Thank you and bless you all for loving my mother.

And she had a man who even after 72 years of marriage insisted on sitting by her side all her final days holding her hand.

I spent a few minutes alone with mom on the Wednesday afternoon after she passed. It was a sneak preview just for her son of the girl who once dreamed of being a movie star before her final last staring role on Friday. I told her not to worry; dad would be by her side soon.

And they can enjoy their Heavenly treasures together.

R.I.P. Mom.

Love Conquers All

Love will see us through. All we need is love. We can live on love.

               

Sayings, movies, songs, many things in media tell us we can overcome any obstacle if we are just in love. This is about the love between two people. You got me , babe, and I got you. Love conquers all.

There is a song by that title written by Nanci Griffith and Charley Stelf. The lyrics tell about several couples, a "brown-skin girl" and a white soldier, a "wheel-chair bound" senior citizen marrying a divorced man, people from "far and near", different backgrounds, economic situations and race. The song assures us each time that love conquers all.

So far, no problem really, true and lasting love can overcome many difficulties. Still, it takes work to make a marriage last, as well as love, even where two people are as alike as peas in a pod. I have no doubt that for the couples, so far, in the song love could see them through.

It is the last example that raises the far more important spiritual question, not the physical.

It is of a Muslim girl marrying a Catholic boy. Love will conquer all it tells us again.

Before I began dating the woman who became my wife, I went with several others. The last of these girlfriends and I were very much in love. One day, after we had going steady for several months, she told me we couldn't see each other anymore. Why? She was honoring her mother and father's wish to break it off because they saw we were getting serious. The problem?She was Roman Catholic, I was not.

Harsh? Yes. Unfair? Maybe.            Good idea? Yes. 

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 

Harsh passage? Yes.  Unfair passage? Maybe by worldly standards.               Good idea? Definitely.

The quote from Corinthians was not specific to marriage, but it applies here as well as to other relationships. But why do I say something seemingly harsh and possibly unfair is good?

Relationships, even between individuals deeply in love with each other, are full of conflicts. For example, one may be an early riser and the other a night owl. One might want to be out on the town at midnight, the other wants to be in bed so to get up with the sun. The other might hit you with the alarm clock if you tried to awake them to see a sunrise. Such a difference calls for compromise if conflict is to be avoided. If one or the other is too insistent on their lifestyle prevailing it can lead to real difficulties in the marriage. Yet this is a difference of no real significance.

There are many such conflicts that must be resolved in a successful marriage. Each gives a little here, gives a bit there and they accommodate each other's particulars. If they can't do this, the marriage will fail.

But if the difference is spiritual belief, how can one give a bit or bend a little to accommodate the other and stay true to their faith?

Oh, you may say, we just won't impose our separate belief on the other. That part of our lives we will keep private to our self. And perhaps you can, perhaps you will, but what do you do when children come?

Let's suppose no children come. Does that Muslim girl go to Mosque and the Catholic boy go to Cathedral and at home never speak of God? Do they argue they are not unequally yoked because they are both believers in God, the same God, the God of Abraham? Yet their view of Christ is quite different. Can they ignore that difference if they are devout to their religions?

To the secular and the nominally religious a difference in faith is no more consequential than the early riser versus the night owl. Asking if love conquers all in this situation is a good test of the depth of your faith. Certainly it is for the Christian.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." John 3:16-18

  

To the Christian there is no salvation and no doorway to God except through Christ. Perhaps you could pretend this doesn't matter in your outward approach to the one you love, but how does a Christian endure the agony of knowing the one they love is condemned? How could one as a Christian keep silent and live in peace when so yoked? Your love for your spouse can not conquer this condemnation. Only the love of God and your spouse's love of God in return can conquer all and without that your yoking together with an unbeliever will be a heavy burden upon your heart.

Tuff Stuff: Catch Him and Kill Him! Love beyond Hate

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:43-44 & Luke 6:27-28)   

Yeah, right, love my enemies. Who are you kidding? How can I love someone who hates me? Come on, be honest, could you love some big-time mass-murdering terrorist,who wants you and all your Christian friends dead?  Do you really think you should pray for that guy?  No Christian could love such a guy...or should. Right?

There is tuff stuff in the Bible. There is some tough teaching by Jesus. God has some tough expectations of Christians. Love isn't a nice cozy word for us to reserve for the person sitting next to us in the pew. Love demands we get beyond that. It demands we get beyond how the world perceives things.

I have prayed for a certain well-known, big-time, mass-murdering terrorist and others of his ilk. He probably wouldn't like what I pray, but I'm not concerned with what such a person thinks of me. I certainly don't agree or approve of what he and his followers say and do. So what do I pray?  I pray that he comes to truth, that he would accept Christ as his savior. 

Why? Wouldn't that just save him from the hell he deserves? 

Yes, it would, just as I have been saved through Christ from the hell I deserve. But think further, what if people like this big-time mass-murdering terrorist came to Christ? Wouldn't that be better than what such a person is doing now? Capturing and killing an enemy might satisfy our longing for revenge, but little else. Wouldn't it be better if such a person became a spokesman for God? At the very least they would stop the killing. Perhaps they could even make a difference for good instead of evil.

This is really naive and far-fetched, such things just don't happen.

But such a thing did happened, so why not again. When people began following Christ and spreading the news of His resurrection, they were looked upon as infidels by a powerful man who went about killing them at every opportunity.  He led his band from city to city, breaking into homes, slaying or arresting and imprisoning the occupants, and he wasn't slaying uniformed combatants in battle, but men, women and children of no physical threat to him. It wasn't that these people stole or murdered, only that they didn't believe as he did. This man took it upon himself to judge and avenge God. In many ways this man was a terrorist of his time.

The man's name was Saul, and one time he stood guarding the cloaks of those stoning Steven. He watched the brutal execution of a young man who didn't happen to agree with his view.  Saul listened to Steven's passionate testimony and wasn't phased. Saul left Steven's dead, bloody corpse to go find others to persecute and execute.

But on his way he saw the light, literally, and Saul, the persecutor, became Paul, the persuader. Why should we ever doubt God's ability to use whomever He wills to serve His purpose? 

Well, maybe so, but that love thy enemies stuff is hard enough to grasp. I mean, I could maybe buy loving my neighbor like myself, although it'd be hard to love the guy down the street who gives me the one-finger salute because of the political candidate sign in my yard, but love my enemies?   Why'd you pick someone like a big-time, mass-murdering terrorist as an example. That's pretty extreme. 

Yes, and the extreme case is exactly what people throw at you when you say things such as love your enemies. You know, like: "Come on, be honest, could you love some big-time mass-murdering terrorist, who wants you and all your Christian friends dead?" Remember?

Now, did Jesus say: Love your enemies, if they aren't real nasty and pray only for those who call you names and make obscene gestures?  No, He was pretty inclusive saying: "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.  If you don't think that pretty much covered all, then look at the next statement Christ gave as an example: He (God) causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 

Humph! Well, I can see maybe praying for my enemies. But love them. Love is a pretty strong word.

Yes, and the Greek, agapao, doesn't make it a weaker word. It could read, "but I tell you, love dearly your enemies, be fond of them, welcome them, entertain them, and pray for those who persecute you." 

So, you are one of those bleeding hearts, right? Don't matter what some dude does, he suddenly says "I got born again" and you'd let him waltz away scott free. Dress up nice and walk into the courtroom carrying a Bible, and if you're on the Jury the verdict has to be innocent on the grounds of insincerity. Thou shall not judge and all that?

Not at all.  "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..."

The Lord's Prayer? What has that to do with this?

Think about "on earth as in heaven".  Right now we are on the earth, in this world. "Then (Jesus) saith he to them, `Render therefore the things of Caesar to Caesar, and the things of God to God." There are rules and laws that apply to the secular and there is the Grace of God in the Spiritual. My being Christian does not exempt me from the laws of my land.  If I robbed a bank and killed a teller, was caught and convicted to death by injection for my crime, accepting Christ as my Savior is not going to commute my sentence.  If the big-time, mass murdering terrorist is caught, he is subject to the full penalty of the law - period.  "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right." 1 Peter 2:13-14

Yeah, what happened to this person becoming a spokesman for God, his maybe making a difference for good over evil. How's he do that if he's dead?

Again, a Christian or non-Christian does not escape the consequences of their crime under the law of this world. If God has a further purpose for such a person, then God will somehow spare their life and open any doors necessary. Those doors shouldn't be opened simply because someone is "a bleeding heart" or because the convicted claims Christ.

If they sincerely have come to salvation through Christ, then death is nothing to them. If it was merely a gimmick to gain symphony, then they will go to hell. If that is the case, we should all be saddened.  Why?  Because it is not God's will that anyone go to Hell. Because God so loved the world he provided a means through the death and resurrection of Jesus for all who accept it to escape Hell, thus we should love our enemies as well as our friends, for so does God, and we should pray none go to Hell.  If we would be perfect as our Father in heaven. we will love even those we might not like, as tough as that may seem. This is tuff stuff.

(The illustration at the top is "The Martyrdom of St. Steven" by Pieter Paul Rubens.)

All About Eve...and that other Guy

Someone said, perhaps Ogdan Nash, that the world's oldest poem was written by Eve and it was called

Fleas

Adam had 'em.

Quiet possibly after the fall he may have. She may have had 'em, too...after the fall. There weren't any blood sucker's before the fruit eaters ate one fruit too many. Yes, that's right. Original man was a vegetarian and will be again after Christ returns and establishes his Millennium Kingdom. So if you are like me, you better enjoy those filet mignon's and other steaks while you can. Don't worry, it isn't a sin right now, even if it might have been sacrificed to idols.

Just don't make the steak your idol.


Now there is a good question for those of you who want to play Devil's advocate. Were there fleas in the garden of Eden and if so, what did they sup upon? Perhaps fleas evolved from fruit flies. Frankly, it is obvious a lot of things changed after the fall and banishment from that garden. The lion and lamb weren't lying down next to each other anymore. If a lamb was near a lion after the fall, it was on its dinner plate.


There is an interesting statement about the decision to create Eve. Some seize on the word to make woman just man's helper.


The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;she shall be called 'woman,'for she was taken out of man." Genesis 3:18-23


But genesis wasn't written in English. It was penned in Hebrew and the word translated "helper" could have been more rightly translated "counterpart". God would "make a counterpart suitable for him".


Is this a significant difference? Yes, indeed. Here is Merriam-Webster's definitions of counterpart:

1: one of two corresponding copies of a legal instrument 2 a: a thing that fits another perfectly b: something that completes : 3 a: one remarkably similar to another b: one having the same function or characteristics as another

We can rule out 1, I don't think we'd call a woman a legal instrument anymore than we should call her chattel. 3 is okay, women and men are remarkably similar in a lot of ways, certainly more so than all the other beast God paraded before Adam. I don't think they have quite the same function. I mean look at them. They are remarkably similar in a lot of things, but there are a few outstanding differences, too. Ah, that leads us to 2.

A counterpart is a thing that fits another perfectly, something that completes. There is not an inequality here. These are two incomplete beings. They are complete when joined together with God's blessing.

What, did you think sex didn't happen until after the fall? God created sex, blessed sex, ordered sex between them. What do you think it is talking about here:

So God created man in his own image,in the image of God he created him;male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Genesis 1:27-28

There may be an old wedding toast that goes:

Here's to Eve, Mother of our race, Who wore a fig leaf in the right place.
And to Adam, Father of us all, Who was Johnny-on-the-spot when the leaves began to fall!

But don't be fooled. Adam and Eve didn't wait around until they were wearing fig leaves to get a desire to drop the leaves. They were doing it back when they wore nothing to hinder the process, out there in the garden without shame. The shame came later, and it wasn't shame of sex, but of failing to obey God. No, sex is sinless if it follows God's design and purpose. It is his purpose to allow two people to be complete, to be joined in pleasure and ecstasy. But two people vowed to each other in God's sight. A lot of people in the Bible brought trouble on themselves when they decided sex was a recreational tool. But that's a later discussion.

There is only two points to this story: Man and Woman were created equal to each other in God's sight and sex isn't sin when properly applied as God designed.

More about our gal Eve later.


Hey, Ron, thanks for bringing the "Wedding Toast" to my attention.

Some Further Nominees

Perhaps the best day of my life was graduation from high school. It was an exciting and anticipated day. I was very happy when it happened and to top off the glorious event, I met a beautiful girl at a celebratory dinner afterward.

But why was I happy?

It was because I didn’t like school. Graduation was escaping what I disliked, not a step toward anything. I graduated with very few prospects for my future. My parents had told me years earlier I wasn’t going to college and I was ignorant to other ways to further one’s education than one’s parents paying the bill. I left high school looking for any old job I might scrounge up, but jobs were scarce that year. I would say high school graduation really wasn’t the best day of my life.

Yes, but what about that beautiful girl? I did begin dating her. I was madly in love with that beautiful girl, but at the end of summer she dropped me with the falling leaves of fall. She broke my heart. With all the pain at the end of that relationship, I can hardly count meeting her the best day of my life.

What about these days: getting my first job, buying my first house and the first time my wife got pregnant. These seem like reasonable candidates for my better days, yet each came with a “but”. The jobwasn’t what I had trained or applied for so was a let down, the first house bought turned into the first home we lost leaving us financially worse off and the first pregnancy delivered a dead child.

What were my real best Days? Certainly I would list my wedding to the woman who has been my wife and closest friend these last 47 years. I would count equally the births of my three children as best days. Almost everyone would probably say the birth of a child was one of their best days, but there were circumstances surrounding these births making them more best. (Sometime I will tell that story.)

To paraphrase Charles Dickens: My best times were my worst times. It stands to reason, my worst times will prove to be my best times.

Well, we'll see.